FEAR LESS: INTIMACY
Pastor Josh Weisbrod – September 20, 2020
KEY IDEA: You must take a prayerful relationship risk for an intimate relational return.
KEY PASSAGE: “. . . for God us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7;
SUMMARY: We all experience real pain, and often it can be caused by others. This pain can cause us to be afraid of intimacy, which in turn makes us distant and defensive. To overcome the fear we must find our security and acceptance in Christ, and then prayerfully take an emotional risk.
INTRODUCTION:
You were created to live with and be loved by God. (1 John 4:18) As human beings we have an intimacy problem. Maybe you’ve never experienced intimacy, a deep trustful relationship with another person. Maybe you’ve been deeply hurt in a relationship. We were created to live in relationship with God and with one another. The longest effect we will see from the current situation is a relational impact because we are living in a relational deficit. Your pain is real. In the Bible, when Job was in pain and was vulnerable, he opened up to his friends and they accused him and treated him badly. (Job 19:19) Maybe you’ve opened up to someone in the past and were hurt. Now you want to keep your armor up and not let anyone in. You have a fear of intimacy. The problem is that it limits your potential to be healthy because no one knows what you are going through and they can’t walk through it with you.
The fear of intimacy will make you distant
· God created human beings and said it is not good for man to be alone.
· Adam said “I was ashamed so I hid.” Genesis 3:8-10
· It is terrifying to be vulnerable and to let someone see you at your worst. So you keep them at arm’s length.
· What is it you are hiding behind because you don’t want people to see you vulnerable?
The fear of intimacy will make you defensive
· In the blame game there are no winners. “He never . . . “ and “She always . . . “
· Genesis 3:11 – The man blamed the woman and the woman blamed the serpent.
· Adam should have said, “The one thing you told me not to do, I did it.”
How do we overcome the fear of intimacy?
1. You must take a prayerful relationship risk for an intimate relational return.
o You cannot have complete control and intimacy in a relationship
o Relationship requires risk. It is scary to risk, but it’s scarier to go through life alone.
o If you bring a fear of intimacy into a marriage you will be even lonelier than when you were single. This is one of the saddest places to be.
o Being with someone will not take away loneliness, only intimacy does that.
o If you have been hurt, I encourage you to trust again.
o There are Biblical commands to gather together. Small groups are one way we gather together. However, attendance in a small group doesn’t breed intimacy, but investment in your small group breeds intimacy. Example: Judas
o 1 Corinthians 13:7 – “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (ESV) Pray to the God of love, help me believe and love again.
2. Avoid premature intimacy
o You need intimacy in relationship that is built through trust and time.
o There is a difference between taking a prayer risk and premature intimacy.
Song of Solomon 8:4
o We get into premature intimacy because we are lonely. It’s what we want. We don’t care what the other person needs. We don’t want to take the time to build trust, so we overshare too soon.
o Don’t settle for false intimacy. True intimacy says, “I lay my life down to serve you.”
o If you’ve engaged in premature intimacy, it’s never too late to back up a little bit.
o Stop limiting yourself because you are afraid of what other people will say. Don’t stop taking the risk. This is who God called me to be—authentic and honest. Be open to relationships.
o 1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
3. Before you risk you must find security, acceptance, and intimacy in Christ.
o Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:37-39
o Love your neighbor as yourself. If you criticize yourself you will criticize your friends; if you hate yourself you will hate your friends.
o Romans 15:7 – Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
o Begin to prayerfully ask:
§ Who has God called me to be? (not what has God called me to do?)
§ What is important in my life?
§ What are some things I’ve suffered through?
§ Write all this down and put it somewhere you can see it. Take the risk in relationships from the foundation of the fact that Christ has accepted you and from the foundation of who God has called you to be.
“It is scary to risk, but it’s scarier to go through life alone.”
-Josh Weisbrod
REFLECTION/DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Use these reflection questions as a way to deepen your relationship with God. Allow the Holy Spirit to shine a light into your heart.
1) What do you think is the most difficult part of relationships in 2020?
2) God created us to live in intimacy with Him and with each other. We can be in relationship with God and with each other and still not have a deep trustful relationship because we are afraid to be vulnerable and share the honest truth about ourselves.
In your life right now, on a scale of 0-10, with 0 being no honest vulnerability and 10 being complete honest vulnerability, how vulnerable/honest are you with God? How vulnerable/honest are you with others. Why?
3) When you are afraid of being vulnerable in relationship with others or with God, do you tend to become more distant or more defensive, or both? Why do you think that is?
4) As a member of the Body of Christ, what is your responsibility to those who over-share too quickly or under-share over time, knowing that they are most likely desperately seeking connection or are terrified of connection?
5) Read out loud: Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)
Ask: How are you doing at loving others this way? What is one way you can love others better? How are you doing at loving yourself this way? What is one way you can love yourself better?
Full Podcast Episode: http://banner.church/podcast/2020/11/12/fearless-fear-of-intimacy-92020